How to Have Difficult Conversations with Remote Employees

As a manager of a virtual team, things will come up and you'll need to deal with them from time to time. Maybe you're even an employee who needs to raise an issue yourself. Team conflicts, project blockages, or even awkward conversations will unfortunately happen, and the fact that you're working remotely doesn't make these issues any easier.

They're difficult enough with more visual cues in the office, let alone having to tackle them in a virtual office. While you may have to approach remote work differently, it doesn't have to be harder if you have the right skills. You need to focus more on communicating effectively with your team and filling the gaps you have in other ways.

You can't just avoid these difficult conversations online, either. It may even seem easy to put off a problem when you're not in the same office and can avoid it. In fact, 94% of managers have regular one-on-one meetings, and 48.5% of them do so weekly. Although not all of these conversations are designed to handle difficult situations, the skills learned from interacting with people in closed conversations can be transferred to regular meetings and calls.

So you have to set out and take the bull by the horns! We've put together some of the best tips that you can easily incorporate into your workflow, so let's get started.

Prepare for a successful conversation

Preparing for a difficult conversation is just as important as the conversation itself. There are a few things to consider, e.g. B. the time at which you organize your meeting and the creation of an agenda to stick to.

Being well-rested is a must, as is having the right attitude towards a potentially difficult conversation. Some of us are not naturally early risers, so you should try to find a time that makes you feel comfortable.

Don't forget that you're not the only one who needs to prepare for this conversation. The other person(s) should also take some time. It's easy to send an email or message someone in Slack to make sure they're notified in a timely manner. Consider providing a good written context for what you want to discuss so there are no surprises.

Leave your assumptions behind

It's easy to go into a meeting with a lot of assumptions and ideas about what the other party wants to say, and the same goes for yourself. Preparation is important, of course, but you shouldn't just prepare for the conversation you have played out in your head.

Pay attention to what is actually being said and discussed, not just what you are trying to say. Assumptions can be dangerous because a conversation doesn't always go the way you think it will.

Develop a sense of curiosity

For a conversation to truly become a conversation, participants must interact in both directions. That's why it's so important to ask questions so you can both learn more about the reasons behind the other person's opinions.

Be curious and try to understand your interlocutor's point of view from his or her point of view. When someone tries to understand your point of view and feelings about a difficult topic, both sides benefit from the conversation.

Think about what's happening beneath the surface

A conversation isn't just words... there's a lot more going on than you think. Above water you can hear and process every word someone says. However, there are a lot of non-verbal signals and connections underwater that you should try to recognize. While we all make our arguments, in reality there are probably feelings and emotions that are not being expressed.

It is difficult to recognize these nonverbal cues in a distant environment. Therefore, it is best to arrange a video call so that it is easier to recognize the tone and emotions of the participants. When you are in a focused state and have no distractions, you can really concentrate.

Ask questions to go deeper and have a real dialogue

Only by asking questions will you be able to have a meaningful conversation during your meeting. It can be a little more difficult to think of these on the fly, so think about some general questions beforehand that will help you. You can start a real dialogue by asking more insightful questions, such as: B:

"Can you help me understand?"

"Can you give an example?"

"What was the impact?"

These questions are useful in all difficult conversations, so you should try asking a few of them along with the specific questions you may need to ask. Confirming what you heard and clarifying it will also help avoid misunderstandings:

"To make sure I understand you correctly..."

"I think I heard you say that..."

"Have I understood that correctly?"

Reframe your conversation

As with any type of meeting, it's easy to go off topic. You can start a discussion about one thing and end up talking about something completely different. Some participants also become more reserved the longer the conversation lasts.

To get the most out of your time, you need to refocus on what matters most. The agenda you created earlier is now of great use. Review them so you notice when you go off topic. Reframe the conversation with points like these:

"It seems like we're starting to talk about other things."

"I notice that... (e.g. you share less, we stopped asking each other questions).

to ask questions)."

Use I & Impact statements to share your perspective

Sometimes we all find it difficult to express our opinions when we are really immersed in a conversation. But taking the opportunity to express what you want to say and how you feel is crucial to getting the conversation on the right track.

Making basic statements and structuring them so that they relate to what you (or I in your case!) are thinking will help you express your point of view easily. Think about how you phrase it to really convey how you and your interviewer feel:

"When you said

Think before you speak

A look at what we've covered shows that you shouldn't go into a conversation empty-handed. Take time to prepare and try writing down what you want to say and writing down some of the phrases we mentioned if you think it will be helpful.

The more you have these conversations, the easier it will be as you develop these skills. It's one of the most important capabilities you have in your remote maintenance toolkit. Now that more and more of us are faced with remote work in one way or another, it is important that we think about how we can make the most of this situation.